Looking at the Same Thing From Other People's Point of View

It's not what we do, it's what people see

This is the picture of a box used to collect books for donation, placed in a library where I worked as a cleaner. But instead of accumulating books, almost everyday it is filled with trash. What would be your first impression of the people who come to this library?

Before jumping to conclusions, let's take a closer look. First of all the design of this box makes it look like a recycle bin or perhaps a trash bin. Secondly, it is placed right at the entrance of the library. Third, there is a 'No Food & Drinks Allowed' sign at the entrance. But more importantly, look how this box look like from the view of a person coming into a library holding a half-empty Gatorade and a half-bar of Snickers:

Now what is your impression of these people?

Working With Difficult People

Most of us have had our share of working with difficult people. People who get on our nerves. Has strong opinions about something, always disagreeing with you, and won't back down. Whether it’s in your own organization, your direct reports, or cross-functional, in a project, or even your manager.
When you need to work with difficult people, here’s what I may suggest:

1. First of all, realize who is being ‘difficult’ – you or him. Honestly. For all he knows, you are the one being difficult to him. I've personally had some experience working difficult people and at least in three of the cases, I later realized I was the one being difficult.

2. If you’re working with a difficult person in a project or a team assignment, clarify the decision making process.

a. Who owns the decision? Most of the time the difficulty of getting a group to decide on something is that it’s not clear who owns the decision.

b. How will the decision be made – directive (leader decides), consultative (leader decides after considering input from others), majority (there will be winners and losers), or consensus (everybody has a veto power)?

3. Separate his emotions from his points. Are they reasonable?

a. Is it his points that are difficult, or his way of conveying his points? Think again.

b. If it was somebody else whom you're comfortable with, expressing the same points, would you agree to those points?

c. Know where he’s coming from. Step into his shoes. "Seek to understand. Then to be understood."

4. Don’t match ego with ego. Lower yours.

a. Let him win the ego battle. That’s not what you’re looking for

b. A person is more willing to negotiate as long as his ego is not messed with. Figure out how to win your points and making him win the ego battle at the same time.

5. Manage your own emotion at all times.

a. Don't lose your judgment.

b. Heated arguments never solve a problem. And it leaves scarred relationships in the long run.

6. Escalate

a. If push comes to shove, go through the proper escalation path - people with authority who can help make a difference.

A person is being difficult for a reason - maybe to protect himself from perceived threats, maybe because of ego. Know the reason in order to have a better communication.

The DON'Ts of Management - things you unintentionally do that your direct reports hate

We've all been there. Too many emails. Too many tasks. Too many presentations. Too little time.... Oh, and by the way, there's people to manage!

Here are common things that managers unintentionally do that their direct reports hate. Most of the time because managers are too busy, or because they don't think it matters.

1. Not communicating enough. Especially on things inside your head – future plans, issues, who’s not performing, special tasks, your dilemmas, etc. Don’t keep them guessing. That’s how rumors start.
2. Not reading their emails - they might have completed tasks, or requests, questions, escalations. Know that you are their only channel. Don't let them down.
   
3. Not being aware (or forgot) about their completed tasks or initiatives taken. Which also means you did not acknowledge or thank them. Take care of your people's feelings.
   
4. Giving conflicting instructions at different times because you forgot what you said the first time... especially on deadlines. Keep written records of communications.
   
5. Giving negative feedback (although true) in front of their peers. Don’t hurt their pride in front of others.
6. Asking them to write their own annual performance feedback, to be copied/pasted into the system as your own feedback. People want to feel valued and be acknowledged… by their managers.
7. Not spending enough time for their career development discussions. You are busy. You do manage a lot of people. But to your direct reports, there’s only ONE YOU. So make time. Don’t dissapoint people.
8. Having 1-on-1 career development discussions for the sake of completing HR requirements. You will sound insincere. And they can tell.
   
9. Being vague during their performance review & salary adjustments (maybe because you don't have strong reasons) – especially to those not performing. People compare their own strength with their peers’ weaknesses. But you have the big picture. CLARIFY.
10. Not revealing news about one of them getting promoted because you thought it will make your job easier. They will eventually find out. It's a lose-lose. The one promoted will not feel like he/she is getting the recognition he/she deserves. And the rest will feel left out, or that you favor only certain people.
11. Not considering or listening to their input on their assigned tasks and subsequently their career development. You might not agree to all they want. But at least hear them out.
12. Micromanaging in the wrong situations because you're generalizing. Or to the wrong people. Textbook Situational Leadership.
13. Taking credit for their work. Always acknowledge your staff who contributed. Carry his/her name with the contribution anywhere you sell it. You already got the credit automatically. Don’t make them stop contributing.
14. Having mood swings. So manage your own emotion in front of them. AT ALL TIMES.

Out of the Management Box – things that will work!

Thinking out of the box... out of the management box. Getting results from committed hearts rather than forced labors.

1. When you give out company gift vouchers or stock options or salary increments, get the department senior manager to personally sign on the envelop with some encouragement messages. A personal touch from the top. A high-impact reward.
2. Send out emails to top management on your engineer’s accomplishments, and forward that sent message to them with more encouragement messages. Talking good things behind their back. They’ll realize you’re proud of them
3. When Person A is helping B at work, acknowledge them, individually. A for helping. B for knowing where to go to get help. Show them your appreciation. They just made your work easier.
4. When you’re hiring, let the team know your candidates. Get them to recommend names. Get some of them to even help in the interviewing process. It’s a win-win for you. They’ll feel that you value their presence in the team and that you value their input. On the other hand you just made your work easier.
   
5. Arrange for team outings: movies, barbeque, hiking, bowling, etc as a reward for their hard work. Just your team, not the whole department. Sponsor the event. It's a long term investment. They'll do you more important favors later on...
   
6. Buy self-improvement/motivation books during their annual performance review. Present as a personal gift. This is especially useful when you’re communicating areas of improvements. Books I’ve tried before:
   · Practical Intelligence
   · Emotional Intelligence
   · Social Intelligence
   · 7 Habits
   · How to be the Employee Your Company Can’t Live Without
   · The Rules of Work
   · The Leader in You
   · Managing Up
   
7. When you need them to work after office hours or on weekends for good reasons, tell them frankly about your dilemma – and that this will be their favor to you, and you will let them decide if they can do it or not. Most of the time they will do it. People are more willing to go the extra mile as favors than to be forced. But you'd have to do your part first. Give.. then take.
   
8. When you’re asked to select only one person for a highly sought-after assignment, let it be known to the whole team that this will happen. After you decide talk to those who didn’t get it first. They’ll know that you did not forget them. They’ll feel important to get the news first, although not a good news for them.
   
9. Thank them on their anniversaries with the company. Mention their specific contributions that made a difference. They’ll know you value their presence.
   
10. Create a fun & positive team identity. Make a crazy team tshirt and give to everyone in the team.
11. Spoil the market. Make your engineers feel valuable & appreciated to be part of the team. An emotional hook lasts longer than a financial one.

What My Engineers Taught Me

I’ve been fortunate to have the privilege of working with some fine talents in the industry. While managing them, they have taught me some great lessons as well:

1. Free lunch alone is not enough to keep them happy. Add desserts!
2. If I’m flexible with their working hours, they will be flexible with working late nights and weekends
3. Coming in late doesn’t mean they’re slacking off. Look at their deliverables.
4. Never set a meeting at 9.00am. Not even 9.30am.
5. Technical people appreciate technical managers. Talk their language. Talk the same level.
6. You’d need at least one person in the team to be the 'glue' – this person will initiate events, coordinate collections, etc. If you don’t have someone like this, you’d have to be this person.
7. You’d need at least one person to be the ‘calmer’ – someone who can provide peer-to-peer motivation, guidance, and calm people down when tension peaks. If you don’t have someone like this, you’d have to be this person.
8. Annual performance feedback are taken to heart. Write meaningful feedback. Don’t ask them to write their summary for you.
9. When an engineer is not performing, there’s a good reason behind. Ask quickly & listen. Get input. Don’t pre-judge.
10. If you’re open for feedback, they would talk to you. If you’re not, they’d talk behind you - good or bad. Or to your boss.
11. A simple but sincere ‘thank you’ really does go a long way. A ‘thank you’ in front of their peers goes even further.
12. Make time to talk about things outside work. Invite your team to tea breaks at 4pm. It’s a win-win for you. If they go, you’ll have a good time chatting about work casually. If not, you know that they are working hard

Management Tips From My ex-Boss and Mentor

I've had good managers to guide me when I was an engineer. And I had a good mentor who supported my career development even from far away.

Tips I got from my very good ex-manager who brought me into management:

1. Give credit to your direct reports. When they get the credit, and other people know about the good job they've done, you will automatically get the credit as well
2. No need to worry about the whereabouts of the engineers. What she said: “sometimes when they are not in their cubicles, I don’t even know where they are” but as long as the work is done, and expectations are met, it is okay.
3. There will be gaps between you and your direct reports. Face it. But it is okay. They might distance themselves from you but it is okay (earn their trust)
4. Communicate often. Forward them management emails as "fyi's", don't refrain. They might not read all, but you've created an impression that you're open to sharing information including management info. Imagine what would happen if you don't...
5. Never ever give the wrong information (i.e. lie) to your engineers.

Some of the lessons I got from my mentor about managing teams (engineers):

1. Treat the engineers with respect. Bridge the manager-engineer gap with it.
2. You won't have time to get to know all their work in details. Give them the freedom how to complete their work within boundaries defined. Give them space.
3. People will naturally develop into more significant roles. Appreciate this fact. Assign accordingly
4. Listen to their input. They know more about the technical content within their job scope. But you decide the direction
5. Give feedback. When you want to give constructive feedback, start with a positive feedback and acknowledgement. Put the constructive feedback in a non-threatening way. ".. this is very good, the only thing I would add is..."
6. Be open. Keep the lines of communication open. Be approachable for discussions. Make time for discussions
7. Acknowledge their accomplishments. Say good things often. Make people happy about their work
8. Managers set the tone of how the team will behave - open, fun, outgoing, trusting, tense, quiet, etc. Realize this fact.

Some of the lessons I got from my mentors about managing a project team

1. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself & the team. Don't burn them early in the game
2. When you have a backup plan, define trigger dates & trigger conditions that tell you when you should turn on that backup plan
3. When you're on the critical path, whatever you request to management will likely be granted. If not, you'll still get some form of significant help. You are now the most important person to the project stakeholders. Use it wisely.
4. Experience counts. Listen to those who have them. But you hold the decision.
5. Know the decision making process and when to use them: directive, consultative, majority, consensus, delegative.
6. Know the different priorities in different phases. Plan accordingly.
7. Get the bottoms up schedule from the team to compare with top down schedule. If it is clear that project goals are impossible to meet within timeline defined, propose tradeoffs between variables (timeline, resources, budget, scope) and let upper management make the call.
8. During a crisis, micro-manage. But in a good way.