When you need to work with difficult people, here’s what I may suggest:
1. First of all, realize who is being ‘difficult’ – you or him. Honestly. For all he knows, you are the one being difficult to him. I've personally had some experience working difficult people and at least in three of the cases, I later realized I was the one being difficult.
2. If you’re working with a difficult person in a project or a team assignment, clarify the decision making process.
a. Who owns the decision? Most of the time the difficulty of getting a group to decide on something is that it’s not clear who owns the decision.
b. How will the decision be made – directive (leader decides), consultative (leader decides after considering input from others), majority (there will be winners and losers), or consensus (everybody has a veto power)?
3. Separate his emotions from his points. Are they reasonable?
a. Is it his points that are difficult, or his way of conveying his points? Think again.
b. If it was somebody else whom you're comfortable with, expressing the same points, would you agree to those points?
c. Know where he’s coming from. Step into his shoes. "Seek to understand. Then to be understood."
4. Don’t match ego with ego. Lower yours.
a. Let him win the ego battle. That’s not what you’re looking for
b. A person is more willing to negotiate as long as his ego is not messed with. Figure out how to win your points and making him win the ego battle at the same time.
5. Manage your own emotion at all times.
a. Don't lose your judgment.
b. Heated arguments never solve a problem. And it leaves scarred relationships in the long run.
6. Escalate
a. If push comes to shove, go through the proper escalation path - people with authority who can help make a difference.
